WHEN Are Your Children Old Enough to Be Left Home Alone?
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I was reading the news today and stumbled into the Dear Abby section. I read a few and found one that I really felt she dropped the ball on. She was asked for advice on how to know when children are old enough to be left home alone. Abby's response was that they are never old enough.
OOPS!!! At 17 years old, you are going to be hiring a babysitter because you don't trust your baby to be able to take care of themselves. I don't think so. The lady wanted some good ground rules for knowing. They are capable of staying home at some point in time, most of them anyway. I have decided that I will answer the lady's question and help us all out.
Starting off, most states have a legal age where they do not want children home alone. Find out what it is. In TN, it is 12. That is the legal age of responsibility. Do not leave your child home before the legal age or you could be in trouble. But do not believe that all children are capable at this point. Some are born ready and responsible and some are not. Talk to them about different situations. Give them a scenario and ask them what they would do.
If they hesitate, don't give up but they aren't quite ready. Drill them. If the house catches fire, what are you going to do? If someone breaks in, what do you do? If you get scared, what do you do? If you need advice, who do you go to? Do you answer the phone and tell a stranger that you are home alone? Are your friends allowed over when an adult is not home? They should be able to come up with an answer fairly quickly.
I have a close, older neighbor (across a patio), that my daughter goes to if she gets scared or nervous. She has a vivid imagination and ideas turn into a certainty that there is a problem. She is welcome over there any time. Check with a neighbor to make sure they have a person to go to if they need help or get nervous.
They should have phone numbers to contact for emergencies. They should have numbers to contact you at any time. Cell phone, work number, whatever. They should know where you are and when you will be home. They should have their list of rules memorized. Friends allowed? Outside allowed? Whatever rules you think are necessary.
Make a list that they can refer to. It helps to jog their memories. We got our daughter a cell phone so that if she had to take the dog out for his walk we would know where she was. She doesn't need to call us for that but she needs to have her phone with her any time she leaves the house. I like to know where my kids are at all times. The more you know, the less likely they are to get into trouble.
Finally, you decide they might be ready. Leave them alone for a short time at first. Give it a few dry runs. Go to the grocery store without them. Half an hour to an hour should be enough to start. Then, you are free to try more time. They are still not ready for the entire day while you are at work. Go out to dinner with your spouse or a friend. Get them some McDonald's food before you go and they will love you. Go to the flea market for a couple of hours. Do some Christmas shopping and enjoy buying something without having to hide it from them in the shopping cart.
Okay, you have decided that they are old enough, when they come home from school they will not go to a babysitter. They invite all their friends home and have a party while you are at work. Ground them and make sure they know this is a privilege that they have to earn. Otherwise, you will be forced to treat them like the irresponsible child that they just showed you they can be. If they do it again, send them back to the babysitter. You are responsible for making sure that they earn this privilege.
If you have no problems, or minor ones, your child has proven that they are responsible enough to be left alone. You did your best to find out if they are and made sure that they knew what it entailed. You have succeeded in another step of parenting. Congratulations, they came out good and you won another small step.
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ALUR, I tried to bee responsible when raising my children and found that this works. Push them to start learning the responsibility now. If you don't, you may end up supporting them when they are 30. Good luck.
In California there isn't a legal age for kids to be left at home alone; they just have to have the mental and physical ability to take care of themselves. It really should be determined child-by-child. There are such wide ranges of capabilities. Usually your parental instinct is right. Great Hub!
I did not realize that there was no age in CA. In NV, it is also 12. At least it was when I was a kid. I was raised in Reno. I do like the legal age. It gives the Police a law to use on stupid people. 8 year olds do not need to be home alone. Glad you enjoyed this.
I am not looking forward to that day. Just knowing he is at school and away from me makes me sad. Zoning out now. Thanks for the information Becky. I will bookmark it and pull it out in about 20 years!
Many parents do not look forward to that day. But it is nice to have the ability if the need arises. Dennis and I got delayed by a traffic accident between kids and us. Made us late and we weren't there when the school bus brought them home from school. We were 45 min. late. We called and told them what had happened and we would be there as soon as possible. We knew they would be fine because they already had the rules memorized.
Great information Becky..I am suprised how many children are lock key kids and way below the legal age..I use to hear about it at school..Wonderful hub..thanks for sharing..hugs
Sunnie
Most state I believe it is 12, but you're right, many are not ready to be left alone. Parents need to evaluate the maturity of their children, and hopefully do it objectively.
Sunnie, I thought you would know of some of the stupid parents. I don't like using that word but I do not know what else to call them. They leave their children home alone and the children are just not ready. I really like a legal age to stay home alone. It helps to stop some of the parents from leaving their babies home before they are mature enough to handle it. So many get into major problems.
aygabtu, I had one that could not be trusted. He took the keys from my purse while I was getting ready to take his father to the VA. He walked down to the bus stop and then hid until he saw us leaving. When school let out, he went running around with his friends in my pick-up. He wrecked it and almost killed himself. He spent a month in the hospital. He was not ready and we found it out too late. He knew better but thought he was a hotshot. He found out differently. I took his license and he didn't get it back for 2 years. I could not trust him to behave responsibly.
Love this hub. My style of determining when my kids were ready and for preparing the way was very similar to your own. My kids range in age from 16 to 12 and they have all proven themselves capable of taking care of themselves and of watching out for each other as the 12 year old still only stays home for very short periods on his own for the most part. Great hub Becky. It needs to be read by so many on both ends of the spectrum!
Bring them McDonald's and they'll love you, bring Quiznos and I'll worship you.
Teresa, I figured you would have a similar method. You seem to do a lot of thing similar, from the evidence of your hubs. Some people can't figure out how to determine and this was pretty much for them. I do appreciate your coming by and leaving your wonderful comment.
I know Katy, but you are discerning.
Keep them at home until they're ready to go out and be part of the sex industry.
You'll know when they're ready.
Mothers know things like that.
Ian, you are a sick old coot. I am glad no one takes that seriously. You could end up in jail for talking like that. I am really glad you came by.
Why am I not surprised at your reaction? You know me, Becky. I am as shallow as they make them, but you, dear friend, can see through the statement to the humour.
Attagirl!
(But if you know a couple of little thirteen year olds, of either sex, tell them that I have some lovely little puppies they can come and pet. It will be our secret.)
Ha ha!
Ian, most of the thirteen year olds that I know, probably are more experienced than you are. Their parents allow them to run amok. And my 14 year old would probably take you apart at the suggestion of impropriety. I AM proud of that girl.
Times have changed so much.When I was ten or 12 I babysat my sister kids. It was kind of a natural thing to do.Also I took transportation across the city to do so.I am not sure my children would allow their kids to do that at the age of 12.
I was 13, when I first babysat. It was at a neighbor's house. One month old baby, I was always over there and since mom was right next door, they figured I could handle it. I was babysitting everywhere after that. The only time I ever had a problem was when I babysat my cousin's kids and she didn't come home from work. She went out and partied. I called my aunt the next day and she came and got the kids and took me home. I would never babysit her kids again.
I was just going to leave a smiley face at your remark, but Hubpages said that comment was "rather short".
:)
Good, solid advice Becky. A two yead old boy was wandering outside in a town near me, he was naked. The temp was in the 30's. His Mother was asleep on the couch when the police arrived. She tested positive for drugs. Thank's for an informative article....
Ruby, she probably did not think of him as home alone. We do, but everyone does not have common sense. I have had my oldest, when he was 2, take off out the door when I went to the bathroom. I heard the door open and yelled at him but as soon as I got out of there, I took off after him. The police had already picked him up. The officer was a friend and laughed when I grabbed Rodger and spanked him. He did not take off out the door again when my back was turned. I didn't normally spank him but that time he needed one.
Good advice and good hub. We've worked our way through 4 kids and numerous foster kids and now we are raising our grandson. I'm not really looking forward to doing this all over again, but at least your hub gave me some current day guidelines to go by. Voted up.
Donna, these aren't current day. These are old school. Current day is just as soon as they are old enough legally, let them run wild. Do whatever you want and you child will either live through it or not. lol
hey good advice ... I hope everyone listens to you with small children.. any children I think under 13 do not leave alone or in a car.. I say use common sense.. like you said some kids are ready and some are not.. I voted up...
Some 12 year olds have sense and some don't. My daughter isn't doing bad. Too opinionated sometimes but they all end up with that. I am glad that you liked this and am happy that you came by to visit.
Becky Katz a very good Hub.. although when we were growing up.. after 21.. then we could be alone.. LOL great hub again
Frank, I appreciate you coming by and leaving this lovely comment. Life has changed. We used to just have to worry about what they were going to get into. Now we have to worry about home invasions. It is more to worry about.
Some great advice here Becky especially testing them until you know they are ready, because each child is different.
Whenever we were going to friends we would leave the phone number, my son ALWAYS rang just to check he had dialed the correct number. On one occasion he rang before we'd even arrived at our friends, they thought it was quite funny.
Rosemary, my daughter calls me on my cell to see if I am there. She is almost 15 now. Still keeps checking to see if I will answer. Each child is different. Some can be trusted and some can't, as we found out when our oldest was 16. He took my pick-up for a joy ride and totaled it. He almost killed himself. He still didn't learn but we guarded the keys better. I checked that they were in my purse as I was getting ready to go out the door. My husband checked his also.
Oh boy Becky I guess the insurance wouldn't pay out either, him being your son.
Yes, the auto insurance paid. We didn't have socialized medicine then though. Our health insurance paid 80%. Good pay rate, but when the hospital bill was almost $100 thousand, 80% leaves a lot. Luckily, it was a teaching hospital and they had programs that helped. My husband still wasn't getting his VA disability then, just S.S. disability so we qualified for the low income program. It paid most of the rest. Only left hundreds, instead of tens of thousands.
How sad. In the UK it would have been completely free.
Not even means tested.
Ah, but you pay a lot more in taxes. I would rather pay less in taxes and pay for some of my medical.
I've alwyas thought that the health system in the US was unfair, so many can't afford to pay medical bills, or even visit a doctor.
Tax rates in NZ are about on a par with the UK but we have to pay doctors visits too. But hospital is free but waiting lists are long.
Rosemary, There are clinics that will see you and they charge on a % of your income. Before Dennis got his disability, when it was me supporting us, we would pay $5 and that covered any antibiotics and required pain medicine. Maintenance medicine, such as blood pressure, can be gotten through programs that the pharmaceutical co. run. County (public) hospitals are required to take care of people who are low income without insurance. The private ones have to accept a %. Life threatening problems are taken care of immediately, before they even find out that you can't pay. People who do not get health care here, just do not want to bother, they want to complain.
very nice hub! I have a 2.5 year old boy and haven't even began to think about this topic yet but I always wondered how people determine when it is ok to leave their child at home.
Glad you enjoyed this. I have grandchildren older than your child, I have a little experience on you. My oldest also tried to ruin it for the other two. He pushed the limits and almost changed our minds on ever leaving any of them home alone. I hope this helps you. on the future. I also hope you don't have one that pushes the limits.
As the mom of 3 young boys I really enjoyed reading this hub. Thanks for sharing!!
Kelley, 3 boys, you will have lots of fun. Keep your sanity close, so you don't lose it. I had 3 boys and 2 girls. The youngest girl is the most trustworthy of the bunch. Maybe because she is 10 years younger than the next youngest. She has been like an only child. I am glad that you enjoyed this and hope it helps deciding if yours are old enough.
Becky when I was a foster mother, we were knocked up at 2am. A social worker at the door with 2 little boys aged 3 and the other 9 months, they had been found home alone left by irrisponsible and uncaring parents, not just a night out, they had gone on holiday. The aunty was with her and she took the 5 yr old.
Some people do not have sense. No one should ever leave children that age home alone for even 10 minutes. Those were not parents, they were breeders. I am assuming that the aunty turned the parents in. This is for people to know if their child is responsible enough to handle being left alone for a few hours, not for a holiday or even an extended night out. I would never advocate leaving any child under 12 no matter how mature they are. They can not handle the responsibility of a problem coming up.
I know, you didn't think I would but have been thinking about that, haven't you? Good point to bring up.
I really didn't mean to post that Becky, the topic just brought back memories. You giving some rally good advice to mums who want to know how to decide when their children are old enough. Just reminded me that not all mums and dads are good parents.
The aunty did exactly the right thing, but she was too old to cope with the little ones. And you know it was so hard to let them go when the time came.
Rosemary, there is nothing wrong with posting something like that but I will take it off if you want me to. I feel we should be able to speak of any subject you want to. I am not picky like some people. This was on topic.
Great advices. My children are still too little to worry about this right away, but apparently, since they were born, I worry about everything... And I had wondered about this already. So, when the time comes, this Hub was quite helpful. Voted up.
algarveview, Yes, worry comes with children. Try not to let it take you over though. Bad for your health and their sanity. lol
I am glad that you found this to be helpful. Thank you for coming by to visit.
Thats Fine becky I was just worrying in case I spoiled your hub, but if you are OK with it then so am I
Thank you. Hope you are having a great Christmas day.
See you soon, love and hugs
Rosemary, How can a friend talking to me spoil my hub? You are always welcome to talk to me on any of my hubs, on any subject you wish to. It is fine with me. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas. My daughter just got me up and gave me 15 minutes to wake up before presenting myself in the living room to open presents. It is time for me to go now. Love you.
A well written hub which leaves much food for thought.
Take care
Eddy.
Hi Eddy, I am sure you have your own methods, you are so child savvy. I am happy that you liked this. I am so happy that you came by for a visit.
Had to grin a bit, reading this.
I was considered by my parents (as the eldest child of 3) to be home alone AND responsible for my sisters on the ranch. After dark. No phone, and no neighbors within line of sight. I remember sitting up, wrapped in a blanket (must have been winter) in front of the kitchen stove, reading a book (always, duh) till the folks got back from town--my sibs were in bed asleep.
When I was thirteen, I was not only home alone at times, but farm-sat a neighbor's place for two weeks while they went on an emergency vacation. Dad had a closer neighbor check in on me the first day or two, but after that I had them convinced to leave me the H*ll alone and let me do my job...which included milking their cows and having it ready for the route driver who picked it up every so often.
However, I definitely don't hold the "home alone" record for our family. That goes to my nephew Justin, my kid sister's son. His Mom was at work (50 miles away), and his Dad left him alone on their ranch one day--ran to town for parts or to drink coffee at the cafe or something.
Justin finally decided it had been a tad too long...and dialed 911.
Yep, his Dad had some explaining to do over that one. I never knew whether the authorities were busier giving him a hard time or laughing their tails off about it.
See, it's not like Daddy shouldn't have known better. My sister is a lifetime Registered Nurse, and her husband is both a volunteer firefighter and an EMT. If anybody had enough exposure to know "the rules", he was it.
We were all pretty proud of Justin, though, and he continued to take on responsibility as he grew. Ended up serving three tours in Iraq as a Marine AND being the only member of his outfit to take it upon himself to learn the local language.
Early responsibilty is good as long as it doesn't kill ya! :)
Times have changed quite a bit since you were a kid. They didn't have home invasions then, like they do now. Five in the last month in a 60 mile radius of here. I believe that ranching kids also, are given more responsibility as they are growing up. Since they have it earlier, they display a better understanding of it. I think that all kids should be evaluated individually and given the responsibility that they are capable of showing. Then, no one can complain that their kids are ready earlier or not ready yet.
I imagine that it would be pretty humorous to you but some people have no idea how to figure out if their child is old enough. They do not have the parenting or logic skills to figure out when their children ARE old enough.
Great hub! I was a nervous wreck the first time I left my daughters home alone...I took baby steps...30 minutes at first, then one hour, two hours and then I left for the weekend a month later! JOKE!!
I think baby steps are good. I am also of the opinion that laughter is great. Good thing, because I am definitely laughing. Weekends are good but I would suggest getting a babysitter for that. Thanks for coming by and making my day. I needed that laugh.
Like Ghost32, I come from a time when responsibility at an early age was expected. Although I didn't have siblings to care for, I was responsible for myself, after school, until my mother came home from work, from the time I was 10. After reading your excellent hub, I find the thing about those years that I'm enormously grateful for is that my mother was not subject to any state law about the legal age for a child to be home alone. She exercised her good judgment, instructed me clearly (with understood consequences for having boys in the house when she wasn't home, for not doing my homework, and for violating many more rules), and provided for backup. I was a latchkey kid before the term was invented. I think she did a good job in preparing me for this kind of responsibility and for following through to see that I lived up to what was expected of me...just as you have done with your daughter.
Sally's Trove, I also was home alone but too many children were left at too young an age. They were not ready and the States put ages on. Now people are not preparing their kids or have no idea how to. This is for those parents, hopefully to give them a clue.
Becky, good Hub and a great question. My husband and I just recently decided to drop plans to get a fancy hotel room for a night because I just couldn't bear the idea of leaving the kids overnight. They are 15 and 14. The 15 year old is very responsible, but the younger one is a little free with the snacks if we're not here to make him walk the line.
Thanks for sharing and voted up!
I am still not sure on that age with leaving a teenager home. See if they can spend the night with a friend. That is what I did. They all went to spend the night with friends. The same family, it was nice. We did the same for them a couple of times. I am glad you came by to visit.
I discovered a big difference between my three children as respects alone at home. My daughter was an angel, my older son behaved, but went off on the wrong tack a couple of times. With my younger son, he's now 21 and I still need to keep a very close eye on him. Thanks for sharing. Good Advice!
Mine go the opposite of yours. My oldest, we had to really watch. The youngest boy did fine as long as his older brother was not around. The youngest, a girl who is 15, we can trust totally. She never gets into trouble.
Great hub, my oldest just turned 12 and we have been wondering if she was ready to be home alone for short periods of time. This hub gave me great tips to get her prepared.
Thundermama, I guess this is timely advice for you then. I am happy that I can give you some guidelines to get her ready. Most can handle the short time but when we leave them longer is when they blow it. Good luck and thank you for coming by to visit.
ALUR Level 4 Commenter 5 months ago
Good insight. My kids are under 13 and it's not so much I worry about them getting out of hand, but rather what will happen TO them. Yes, it's a paranoia I have and
a maternal worry wart instinct.
I think based on their rearing and behavior, maybe 14-15